Nov 23

Jeremy’s notes: Drunk with insanity = the human race to nowhere. I assure you my tongue is in my cheek when I write these things because none of it impresses me. None of the lies, none of the manipulation, none of the tough guys, none of the fancy suits, none of the shiny rhetoric, none of the false positives hiding ugly darkness.

Yep for contenders we have tough guys, fancy suits, fake smiles, ice cold witches, shiny turds and manipulative rhetoric. Every contender pulls out the stops, uses their best skills in the race to meaninglessness.

Human beings are a species of creatures in denial of their own natures but perfectly content with projecting and letting others bear the burden of their natures.

It’s all mindlessness fucking over mindlessness, grinding itself into dirt. Fighting to destroy itself so that one day it can be inert particles blowing in the meaningless wind.



How does it feel to want to kill? To say “Bomb THEM for their own good”

Drink down your crystal liquids in drunken bash. Scar yourself. Self abuser, master, mistress. Are you a man? Does rocket fuel burn through your pores? How is it in your cocoon that screens these delusions? To be able to bring your own suffering. Laughing at each other as we drive by. Killing each other with our lies and self absorbed ways. Everybody tearing each other apart for a piece of meat. It’s a savage bloodbath in designer suits. Anyone can destroy, not everyone can truly create. That which can’t create is envious and seeks to control, to limit, and destroy. You can annihilate. You can be ignorant, pawn of the destroyers. You can fight and get no reward. You can strive to make it better. You can fight everyday as you breathe. You can imagine you are on the fence. You can be a citizen, but to who? You can drown in altered elixirs, to what end. You can pretend none of this matters. You can care.

The drunks of hubris polish brass braggarts, digging highways to fetid corpses and rotting shit. The viability of insanity you worship, the denial you uphold, scarcity is protected for plastic tack. Vilifying primal needs. Handicapping ways. We pride ourselves in the ability to build theories and to bend our world around them. Children, and our new toy is our minds. Beliefs are trivial. Beliefs are what we project, they are colors of the spectrum. It’s the outer arena, the external world it effects. The inner self chugs on while we skewer the outside world, indifferent to each other. Feed the machine until you’re used, expendable all along. You say to yourself that those colors are more important than what projects them. You achieve a goal by selling yourself. You fight for your own destruction. We are eager to get rid of the tendencies we don’t want. The ones that don’t give us an adrenaline rush of self destruction. We are at a loss.

The more you try to rid the more you will be a slave. It’s the war to figure out how to exist with our minds aware of the darkest crags. Animals are content to live and fight when necessary. Humans start battles over beliefs. It’s like something threw a wrench in humanity. A flashy advertisement to our ancestors “You are wrong for existing, forgo all your motions and feelings, override everything, destroy yourself for better pastures”. The greatest lie is that the battle of good and evil lays outside.

If you have your head in the sand you’ve already lost. People are so easily tricked and rallied. War is so easy to get behind when it’s not on your doorstep. Terrorist threats do not count. Go live in a war torn country then rethink that rebuttal. Nature is incredibly conservative of energy. Only the skewed ego could stretch a war out and exhaust the mind and body for made up reasons. People pride themselves in being able to do this. Being able to make themselves suffer. I can be indifferent to the pain. I can separate myself. It gives me a sense of bravado. It makes me better. It makes me superior.

Nov 21

Jeremy’s notes: The world seems so vapid, people tuning out and droning on. I tried talking to a wall and it offered a more insightful conversation. The negative possibilities we face are not in some dark future but in vapid narcissism and hypocrisy. We are becoming plastic fluff.

Yet I have felt the taste of cold iron, crusty from squeezed soul. I have felt the crunch and scrape of hardened ice. My bare feet on the delicate crystals. The fire of a thousand suns going nova within sinewy arteries. The call of mine own heart resting on a high perch.

The world will eat you alive but I will not be easily digestible fluff, fate messed with the wrong one.

Ask a man how he feels in pain grating at the soul. When the world is unresponsive. When avenues are a stack of IOUs. Fate thinks its tricky by pressing pain and trying to isolate life. Yet it feeds thou fire and fight, the part I play, the trail I blaze, path I create, capable by love, destiny more powerful than fate.

I feel livid, I feel lit, I feel lively and it feels fucking great.




I don’t have time, I’m writing to you from this state between deathly fear and ending it myself. I’m sorry if I don’t say the right things. I’m sorry if I don’t have tact. I’d like to watch the pretty girls walk by in their skirts too. I’d like to take the time to enjoy it. These things keep knocking me down though. All I have time for is surviving. All I can feel is this instinctive anger that’ll burn me through another frigid night.

I’m gonna die, you’re gonna die. This gravity will pull us all down. We’re putting everything into flying level with the horizon. It’ll keep pulling as we fight with ourselves. Finding the point within, the frozen expanse with the music twinkling, my heart blazing through the night. The heart can embrace it all. It’s all part of me, waiting for me to awaken on this forlorn frigid ground . I am my own hero playing the trumpet call of my destiny, I am my own fool standing up to the dark fates. A just fight in the face of unjust ends. Dismal words echo a tinge – “don’t trust anybody, sacrifice is for everybody”. Thou deeply, turn instead to inner horizon { let go to your within } ~ Effort for the better.

Yes effort through numbing pain and brutal volleys to your structure, to your skull. With mad gleam in your eyes and a fusion reaction in your heart.

Quiet and focus yourself now. You must let go of comfort concerns, hold on to your flow! Listen and mind your hearth. The battle is just beginning. Center within. Level out! Thread the needle. Walk the tightrope of disrupted fate.

Life’s big battle. We’re all going down
Flight and fleeting, the hand of fate will swat you
Its foot grinding you out of the scene
Johnson watch your six!
Trailing smoke clouds, another one hit
Into the mud. Clouds of dust
Don’t look up don’t look down, the enemy’s all around

The last ride’s left
All you’re left with is the devastation of destruction and death

Wonder what it’s like to be afraid
When the mechanics of your own brain have failed
A constant copilot of terror
“Don’t be happy, I’m always edging”

Run out into the cold wasteland
Leave the vultures behind
You turn your head to and fro
The darkness of your destiny still creeps forward
Into mind, off you go
No comforts or clothes
Stripped down to your core

Run barefoot across the cutting crystals
“I’m always there” it tells you
Claw along frozen ground
Cut and pale
No time to exhale
Forward by fear

There’s no one here to be trusted
There’s no where to be safe
Just lie down and accept your fate
Like a wounded animal running
Fate and destiny converse “Somebody must of broken the switch”

Night edging closer
Struggles of epic proportions beyond
Past your life and to your soul
Have you ever been pushed past mortal fears?
Has darkness ever crept on the doors?
To be consumed by the void
Anger and power beckoning their use
Destroy your enemies, destroy the fear
Hold on naive strength, feeble noble ways
As weakness and power mock you
“Give up!”
Why, you’d rather be crushed under fate’s boot
Fight on, as they all echo their laughter

States of adrenal shock are what we live
Don’t look behind, focus ahead
Collide with your fears head on
Go down in a blaze of glory or a gasping scream
It doesn’t matter to fate
Life is a battle and we’re all going down

you fight on


Nov 20

Blink in
Blink out
Hello, Goodbye
What’s my name
Sink into the void
Tangled wires confuse
There’s nothing to love
Everything’s been used

Pull me down, knock me out
I’ll be afraid, to seek it out
Freeze my jaw, lock my vision
We disconnect
I’ll sail away

Lightning strikes
It all goes black
I’ll forget your name
There’s nothing here
I’ll fall down, and chip a tooth
You can watch me limp
You can vainly soothe

Encased inside
Neurons fire and spindles crowd
I can’t move
I want to scream out loud
I want to hide

A body freezes
I wish I could control
A fire spreads
I’m afraid of sinking into quicksand
I can hear your voice
I imagine your touch
I’m sick of being stuck inside
Pass me by, push it aside

Take the bullet, let’s end it now
Bruise the ground, put me down

Blink on
I’ll fear to sleep
Blink off
The feelings gone

An electrical storm rages
Connections tear tendon lines
Rip out your mind
Flush it down
Bloody wings
Never fly

There’s nothing out here to see
I’ll slip into the sand
It’s temporary anyway
Hold out a hand
I think I missed it
I think I was away

I’ll see your face, in my dreams
A smile bright
We can laugh away the time
We’ll fly away
You can make me believe
It’ll never end
You can make me believe
The grey isn’t tweaked

Maybe you’re normal
Maybe I’m not
I bet you’d be an outstanding example
If the gun to your head was always cocked

On and off
Cut and scar
Where do I go?
Who am I?
I just want to touch life
I just want to destroy
Confusion slices deep
Fear’s a serrated knife
This body is fates to play
and mine to keep

Love, destruction
Spin the wheel
Indifference turns
Life shouldn’t be a fight
Tell me how it feels
In your rosy life

I imagined you inside
A thing of beauty
Out of place in ugly mind
Bodies deep
Resting arms to sleep
Quivering lines subside
It’ll all end eventually
I’ll kill myself
Before I ask for help
Show me your
Softer side
Press your lips
Against my walls
Make it burn
Kiss the concrete

Open my eyes
With crystal glass
We’ll go for a ride
Across the plane
Hold your breath
Make it last

We’re all gone eventually
I think I’ll plead
One more time
To see your face
Shine your light
Everything’s fine

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